Old patterns and things that I am used to still haunts me. All the things that I was before has taken me to a point where I cannot forget about my actions and my attitude. Why is it that we are so dependent on another person besides ourselves sometimes? There are times I am so okay with being indepedent and not being with someone else in terms of companion or romance. Yet when I am not okay with it, I start to remember old memories of how things were used to be with a particular person and expect the same exact thing.
When I don't get the same exact thing in return, disappointment sets in and I start to wonder and grow bitter about it. I sleep thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it, I drive thinking about it. Every synergy has it's ups and downs but what if everything was all a mind game. What if all the different things weren't different but it was all the same thing with different degree of personality?
I guess the problem with me is that I like to stick to what is comfortable. This is why I can never be in a swinger relationship or anything totally out of the norm. Even though I am not much of a person to claim what is the norm and what is out of the norm. Perhaps a swinging relationship is the way of life. Who knows because I never really lived out that type of relationship for me to say I am enjoying or I have enjoyed it. Here is a lovely quote from an actual parent I was talking to at my former job:
My daughter told me that some kids at her school give "sexual favors" to each other without the status or label of a relationship. Some kids are starting to give oral sex to each other as friendly favors. It's not the days of where you give friendly hugs anymore.
Damn, I came from a time where I only hugged my best female friends. I came from a time where sex was not even a discussion on the phone or on the computer.
Yes, Tech Angel is coming. Stop asking me for it. I been busy with work.